Today was a hard day. One of my staff, a young girl of 22 or so, was abandoned by her boyfriend of 4 years. He left her saying he needed to walk away to think but when she went inside she found that he had already removed 99% of his belongings from their shared dwelling. Her suffering was difficult to endure.
She spent her lunch hour getting her hair cut and highlighted to run home and meet him as he promised to come by this evening to "talk" with her. I believe he only told her this to allow himself a clean exit in the first place...the promise of her chance. The chances are slim that he showed and the chances that this devastated her further are quite great.
One has to wonder...having experienced what I have and knowing what I know; which is worse? Calculating the odds as I do and facing the actual reality that in 6 months time she will likely look back upon this as a door opening moment which although painful, changed her life, OR having the hope that she has? The only door she sees is a magical one. Through this door all the pain instantly disappears and all her dreams come true. The sad fact is that this door probably doesn't exist. The REAL door is one which involves some more pain, some hard realizations and probably some gained strength she didn't know she had. It is a far off door and seems very less real than her magical one.
This wasn't what I intended to write about today and yet it was so CLOSE to a place I've been and at the same time a million miles away. I worry about her sanity and her fragile state but I also know that to take away this pain forfeits her chance to learn and grow. Hope. It is where she lives now and hope in and of itself is a beautiful thing. My perspective doesn't allow me that on her behalf in this moment. I believe her hopes are indeed quite hopeless. Her hope lies in the things she cannot perceive just yet. I hope she will soon.
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